3/3/2016 – Thursday

Carrick,

I am very sorry that it has taken this long to write. I have no valid excuses other than life has been quite busy since my last post. Let me start by saying that the time between the discovery of our pregnancy and your birth FLEW by. I will admit that I worried much less about you entering our lives than I did with Emerson, and even with Arden in many respects. It wasn’t that we were any less excited or filled with as much joy, but rather that we have become comfortable in being parents and know that you will simply add to the love in our lives. In addition to these things, the time flew because we were always so busy!

I just reread my last post and I was dead wrong, you were not a girl but rather a beautiful, healthy, and handsome boy. I was very excited when I first heard this news and even more so when I confirmed it to be fact on your birthday. The day of your birth was simply amazing, I loved being part of your arrival to this world. It is fantastic to witness and often leaves me speechless when I try to describe it. I believe many people fail to realize it, but on that day I was gifted one of the best gifts anyone will ever receive. I am lucky enough to be able to share this gift with your Mother, your brother and sister, as well the rest of your family. This gift, unlike most others, keeps on giving and gets better with each passing moment. I love you, Carrick.

During the last few weeks of our pregnancy, however, my Grandmother Phyllis’s health took a turn for the worse. It is very difficult to watch the ones you love succumb to health issues. Yes, it is inevitable – I understand that, but it doesn’t make it any easier at the time to reminder yourself of it. While you and your Mother were in the children’s wing of the hospital my Grandma Phyl was moved from the main floors to hospice care. This was incredibly difficult for me because growing up I mainly had two women in my life: my Mother and my Grandma Phyl. I had just lost my Mother in May of 2013 and it still bothers me quite a bit and now I am losing the other. I tried not to let it show, but it was hard to be excited to welcome you and saddened to lose Grandma Phyl.

You were born on April 15th, 2015. April 15th is known by many as “Tax Day” (the day tax filings are due), but not anymore. April 15th is Carrick’s birthday…that’s the only day that matters to me. As with the two that came before, I fell in love when I met you. I believe you will likely follow in your brother’s footprints and be a “Momma’s Boy”, but I will love you nonetheless! It is hard for me to complete with your Mother…she’s smarter, more beautiful, nicer, more caring, and she feeds you! I hope I can steal 2nd place in your heart though.

Just a few short days later on April 20th Grandma Phyl passed away. I am happy that you and her were able to “meet” one another in the hospital. Unfortunately Grandma Phyl was much aware of her surroundings at the time and you were only a few days old. Regardless I am sure it brightened her day when she heard you in the room.

Grandma’s passing was difficult for me because we were very close. I had taken care of her finances for the last several years and we either spoke or were together on a regular basis. She and I shared a similar sense of humor and always got along great. It was sad to see her go but was a relief in some ways as well. I hope that she and my Mother are now in heaven arguing with each other.

Since April everything has been great. You are an amazing baby. You are bright and cute and your smile melts my heart. You prefer being with your Mother but often allow me to spend some time with you as well. You and your siblings (Emerson and Arden) absolutely love each other. It is great to watch each of you interact. Emerson often brings you toys and has a blast playing with you while Arden is constantly caring for you…just like your Mother. It is interesting to me to see how natural it is for boys to play and girls to nurture.

For the first several months you slept quite well. For the last several months that hasn’t gone as well. You wake up quite often through the night and your Mother gets very little sleep trying to comfort you. When you read this please give her a great big hug, because she deserves every bit of it. Thankfully we are blessed enough to allow your Mother to focus on being a Mother and not worry about spending all day at work after having gotten no sleep.

Speaking of work I just made a career change and it was not easy at all. I had worked at ANPI (Associated Network Partners, Inc.) since graduating from college in 2005. After 10 years I grew immensely both professionally and personally. I came to a point, though, where I simply loss the love for the work and the stress began to follow me home. I would work late and my employer seemed to appreciate it less and less as the years passed. I have always maintained that if your heart is not in it then you need to move on because it is not fair to you or your colleagues. As painful as it was for me to leave my friends family at ANPI I had to move on. I accepted a new position at Windstream Communications and am excited for the opportunity to make a difference in their firm. I am quite nervous about the change and feel very vulnerable. I am vulnerable because I am going to be working out of our home (office in the basement) so I won’t be seen by the executives. This worries me because it will be easier to forget about me when there are updates to projects or other opportunities for engagement. I am also vulnerable because I don’t know as much about the firm, the people, or the work. This is good in many ways, because it will give me the opportunity to learn new things, but in the short term it leaves me uncomfortable in not being the “go to guy. I spent last week in Frisco, TX during my last week with ANPI and this week in Little Rock, AR in my first week at Windstream. I am sitting in the airport in Chicago, IL and am very excited to be home soon to spend time with you, your Mother, and siblings.

I hope that with this new position I am able to keep up with this blog. I apologize for the gap in year 1, I hope I can make it up to you in the coming weeks/months/years.

I love you very much and am so thankful to have you in my life.

Interesting Fact: Modern day humans are closer in time to the Tyrannosaurus Rex than the Tyrannosaurus Rex is to the Stegosaurus.

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